Commenting cousin?

I am sorry for you, having to deal with people like this is difficult. In my own experience there is nothing you can say. To the point anything you say will be countered with something more hurtful, as my guess would be if you have simply ignored her until now you simply don't have it in you to be mean. To your credit it shouldn't be necessary to be mean to others, unfortunately sometimes we do need to defend ourselves. So my advice continue to ignore her when possible such as block her email log on invisible if she gets you through IM and use caller id to let you know if you should answer the phone. These three things alone will save you quite the headache. As far as times you can't avoid with family, To any of her comments make thought provoking statements loudly enough that everyone can hear you. For example if she makes a comment in regard to skin color say clearly and loudly so as many people in the room can hear "Really, you think that makes a big difference....Hum I hadn't considered that before, or at least hadn't noticed it in my life" She will get some stares and hopefully over time learn not to say anything to you with others around as well. Unfortunately there is no single reply that will stop any one from being thoughtless, just a bunch of well worded loudly spoken questions that after some time may cause a sense of embarrment at the least and enlightenment at the best. Good luck remember you can't change her you can only change yourself and staying positive taking care of yourself is the best thing for situations like this.