Please Rate My Poem.?

You are being overly obscure and wordy. You don't have to show off an advanced vocabulary to make good poetry, some of my favorite poets in history are unbelievably simple in their wording. Also your sentences are structured oddly (several, but look at the first one) The soul is filled with pions poured from you; would make MUCH more sense. "in with you" is grammatically atrocious and the "so" is unnecessary, just throwing off the rhythm. That is the next important thing, when you make poetry too wordy you throw off the natural rhythm of your reading. It should roll off the tongue, be fluid or powerful. You seem to have a general idea of the way you should direct a lusty, rapturous poem but you are simply overdoing it on the vocabulary and trying too hard to be this ideal lofty poet. I would think if you simplified it, it could be something worth a read.